


What to Expect When You're Not Expecting

by melancholy_and_chocolate



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Pregnancy, Stupidity, and you can tell, honestly so ridiculous, written in like 45 minutes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 17:26:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15442125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melancholy_and_chocolate/pseuds/melancholy_and_chocolate
Summary: Theo and Alec help Nolan prepare for his mom to give birth





	What to Expect When You're Not Expecting

**Author's Note:**

> my friend wanted me to write something that centers around theo, nolan and alec because she loved their dynamics, hopefully this lives up to expectations. definitely inspired by that one scene in the office with michael, dwight and the watermelon.

 

“What was so important that you had to call us over?” Theo asked, leaning back on the couch in Nolan’s basement. Nolan had texted him 18 times in a row saying the exact same thing 'come over, SOS'. Liam had been glad that Theo decided to go over to Nolan's to see what was wrong, because that meant the chimera was finally making friends.

 

“So you know how my mom is pregnant right?” Nolan started.

 

“My research is still inconclusive, your mom might just be fat” Alec interrupted. For some reason Alec felt the need to try and prove that Nolan’s mother was faking the whole thing just so she could get on maternity leave.

 

“There was an ultrasound” Theo pointed out.

 

“How do you know it’s actually hers, were you there? Maybe she stole someone else’s ultrasound” Alec counters back. Theo thought for a moment before shrugging with a nod. He had a point.

 

“ _Anyway_ ” Nolan butted in “We’re getting really close to the due date and if I’m gonna be in there with her I need to be prepared”

 

“Where are you going with this?” Alec asked.

 

“You guys are gonna help me practice” Nolan grinned hopefully.

 

“What?” Theo furrowed his eyebrows, not following.

 

“Theo, you’ll pretend to be my mom and Alec, you’ll be the doctor. We’re gonna fake giving birth so I can know what to do for the real deal”

 

“Excuse me” Theo tilted his head, looking at Nolan “How the _hell_ am I supposed to give birth when I’m not pregnant”

 

“Are you sure Liam’s baby isn’t inside of you?” Alec snorted. Theo shoved the werewolf off the couch.

 

“I have one of my cousin Natalie's old baby dolls, we’ll have you slip on this hospital gown I snagged from when I broke my leg a couple years ago and just shove the baby up” Nolan explained. Theo really hoped he meant shove the baby up the gown.

 

“There’s no way we’re doing this” Theo said, looking at Alec, who looked way too eager “Is there?”

 

“I’ve always wanted to deliver a baby, even a fake one” Alec shrugged.

 

“Please Theo, please!” Nolan whined. He huffed.

 

“Alright, but I’m keeping my pants on”

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

“Oh no” Theo exclaimed monotonously, squirting a plastic water bottle in front of him “I think my water broke”

 

“I’ll drive us to the hospital” Nolan said, running and grabbing his keys. He grabbed Theo’s arm and pulled him with him outside. Unlocking the car, he opened the door for Theo. Theo slapped his hands away when he tries to lift him up into the car and gets in himself.

 

Nolan got in the drivers seat, turned the car on and backed out of the driveway before changing gear and pulling back into the driveway and turning off the car.

 

“Alright, we’re here” he said, getting out. Opening the door, Theo slowly eased his way out of the car. Natalie’s baby was duck taped to him, making it extremely difficult and uncomfortable to move.

 

Nolan ushered him back into the house where Alec now stood as a receptionist.

 

“Hi, how may I help you today?” He greeted them.

 

“My mom is having a baby!” Nolan exclaimed. Alec nodded and pretends to type something on a computer before leading them to the dining room table.

 

“The doctor will be here shortly” Alec said before walking out of the room to change into his scrubs. Strangely, Nolan had a lot of hospital clothes in his closet.

 

“Okay just breathe” Nolan soothingly told Theo.

 

“Don’t tell me what to do” Theo snapped, getting into character. Nolan’s eyes widen.

 

“Um, do whatever you think is right then” he amended. Theo grabbed his hand and started squeezing it as hard as he could without using his supernatural strength, grunting in fake agony.

 

“Hello, I’m Dr.Seuss, I’ll be the one delivering your baby” Alec rushed back into the room.

 

“Get this thing out of me” Theo shouted, squeezing Nolan’s hand even more. He winced in pain.

 

“Alright, we’re gonna need you to push for us Ms.Nolan's mom” Alec said as he kneels in front of Theo. He reached up his hospital gown and starts peeling off the duck tape from Theo’s body. It’s so painful that the chimera’s fake agony turns into actual agony, his screams becoming real.

 

“You’re almost there mom” Nolan tried to soothe Theo.

 

“Get it out!” Theo yelled, his voice going deeper than usual.

 

“One more push” Alec encouraged him. The final piece of duck tape is ripped off of Theo and he sighs in relief, Alec pulling out the baby.

 

“It’s a girl” he said.

 

“I’m gonna name her Meatball Mary” Theo cooed.

 

“Welcome to the world Meatball Mary” Nolan carefully took her from Alec with tears in his eyes. Theo softly smiled knowing that Nolan would do just fine when his actual mom gave birth.

 

“And now I reveal my true form as a baby eating alien, steal Meatball Mary from you, boil her in the staff room and eat her right in front of you” Alec said, snatching the baby from Nolan. Theo’s jaw dropped and Nolan gasped.

 

And then they heard clapping coming from the doorway.

 

Theo’s head whipped around and he’s met with the sight of the entire pack. Every. Single. Member. 

 

“I called them all once I heard what Nolan was planning” Alec stepped forward.

 

“You could’ve warned us, asshole” Theo hissed, trying to hide his burning face. He was beyond embarrassed for being caught in this situation. The big bad chimera of death giving birth to a fake baby.

 

“I forgot” He sheepishly replied.

 

“Remind me to never let you name any of our kids” Liam laughed, goodheartedly. Theo felt his embarrassment wash away. Liam always knew how to handle things. That’s why the chimera loved him.

 

Wait a second. Did Liam just inadvertently admit he wanted a future with Theo?

 

"You want to have kids with me?" Theo tilted his head.

 

"Well yeah, eventually" Liam said, as if it were obvious, "I love you and you're stuck with me for life"

 

Theo was okay with that.

 

“Remind me to never leave my children unattended around Alec” Mason said, wrapping an arm around Corey, who vigorously nodded in agreement.

 

“Theo, you make a really good pregnant lady” Stiles added.

 

“You had me convinced you were really giving birth” Derek gave Theo one of his rare grins as he slips his hand into Stiles’.

 

“You know me, I live for the theatre” Theo shrugged, deciding that going with the flow was better than trying to explain the situation. He had an image to maintain.

 

“Am I the only one who found this slightly disturbing?” Scott asked aloud. Everyone shakes their head, voicing how they too found the scene disturbing. Theo guessed it was a little disturbing.

 

"I'll have nightmares about this for months" Malia said.

 

“But it was also kind of cute” Lydia added, tilting her head.

 

“If this had been done by anyone in the room other than Nolan, Theo and Alec, I would be concerned about their mental health” Brett said, fondly rolling his eyes at his boyfriend.

 

“ _He gets me_ ” Nolan excitedly elbowed Theo.

 

 *

 

*

 

*

 

“What’s her name?” Theo asked, looking at the picture Nolan had on his phone. His sister had been born a couple days ago. Nolan was prepared and stayed at his moms side the entire time.

 

“Isabella” he smiled.

 

“Hebrew origins, nice” Alec nodded in approval.

 

“My mom let me choose her middle name”  Nolan excitedly added. Theo froze.

 

“Please tell me you didn’t give her Meatball Mary as a middle name” Theo pleaded.

 

“Of course not” Nolan chuckled. Alec and Theo shared a look of relief.

 

“I chose M&M, which stands for Meatball Mary”

 

“ _Oh my god_ ” Theo said, trying not to laugh but a slight giggle slips out anyway. If anyone asked though, it was a manly giggle. A scary giggle.

 

“Poor girl” Alec said, bemused “I can’t wait until she asks about why the hell her middle name is M&M”

 

“She’s gonna hate you” Theo said, finally allowing himself to fully laugh.

 

“Huh, I really didn’t think this through”

 

*

 

*

 

*

 

“So that’s why my middle name is M&M?” Isabella laughed, no longer a newborn but an 11 year old girl.

 

“Yep, that’s the story” Nolan nodded.

 

“I always thought it was because you liked candy, but this is so much better” she continued.

 

“Your mom didn’t think so” Theo pointed out.

 

“She got over it eventually” Nolan waved him off. Isabella tilted her head in confusion, curiously looking at all three of them.

 

“Yeah, _after_ all three of us had to babysit little M &M for six weekends in a row” Alec shoots a glare at Isabella.

 

“You guys had to babysit me?” She held back laughter “I need to hear that story”

 

“It was traumatizing” Theo shivered.

 

“I’ll get the popcorn” Nolan exclaimed.

 

“It all started about four months after your birth”

 

“Because mom wouldn’t trust us with taking care of you before you hit four months”

 

“Which was probably a good call on her part”

 

**Author's Note:**

> what did I just write


End file.
